Couples Therapy

Relationships can go off track.

At times, couples tend to stop investing in their relationship. They start taking each other for granted and forget to do the little things that make the other person happy. They also forget to take care of themselves.

You have harbored a lot of frustration, hurt, and anger for a long time, and then before you know it, you don’t talk much with one another or get into fights that only raise the tension between you.

You ask yourself:“How did we get here? Who is this person? Why do I feel so alone next to my partner?”

Assume rather than knowing.

Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions! It takes a lot of energy to have so many assumptions in your head.

However, if you stop communicating and are not sure about how to start or what to say, you may fall into that unhealthy place of assuming what the other thinks, wants, feels, and does.

It may take some work, but it will be much better to ask instead of guessing and being far from the actual reality of the other person’s mind.

You don’t need to figure it out all alone or get in the habit of frequent fighting.

Nobody should be in a relationship where neither partner talks, nor knows what the other one is truly feeling, doing, or wanting.

Time to find yourself and each other.

You started your relationship wanting to connect, and you may have lost that connection.

You can try to determine your next step and how to work on yourself and with each other to be fully understood.

As you start that journey, you may realize that by not taking care of yourself, you also became not present for your partner. You may learn that you are missed, but you are also missing the other person in front of you.

In your search, you may be reminded of what the other person used to like and how you used to enjoy doing those things together and for each other.

You may understand that you are both in different places in life, and your mutual journey may be over.

But if you won’t talk, if you won’t listen, if you won’t voice yourself, nothing will change. Or it will change in a way that may bring a lot of rupture to both you and your partner.

Therapy can lead to discovery.

Relationships take work.

Some attend couples therapy as the last step to save their relationship, and others come because of issues or an imminent crisis that need to be addressed.

Some show up to learn more about each other and to prepare themselves for their journey together. Others come to keep working on their relationship.

No matter what the reason, couples therapy works best when the couple shows up, pays attention, and is honest.

Honesty leads to better results.

Challenges can arise. Couples therapy is not always a straightforward process because sometimes two people are in the room, but only one is present. This makes things more complicated because one may not want to show up.

As with any other form of therapy, you are not going to be happy and thrilled to show up to each session and stay engaged every week. That completely makes sense.

For this to work, honesty is essential from the get-go. Therefore, as your therapist, the first things that I explore with you are your expectations, willingness, and reasons to be in the room.

You may not be ready to share that you don’t want to be doing couples therapy, but eventually and hopefully, you will be able to share that part, too.

As we work together, I also will pay attention to you as individuals, because part of your work is to be honest first with yourself and then with each other.

Not the judge or the jury.

As your couples therapist, I am not in the room to take sides. My role is to be your mirror that reflects what you can’t see. Also, I want to provide you with the necessary tools and skills for addressing mutual issues.

I look at the reality you bring as both individuals and a couple. Not all situations are the same and can’t be compared to one another. Part of my role is to help you see and recognize the reality of that while becoming open to see how each situation can be experienced differently by each of you.

As we all have our vision and perceptions, one reality can be explained and experienced entirely differently by each person. We also have different attachment styles from our childhood that impact how we attach.

Differences are not a “bad thing,” as long as you communicate and listen.

Truthfulness, acceptance, validation, and respect are the ingredients.

Those may seem like “big” words, but they are essential to any relationship between people. Remember, it is not about being or doing life perfectly.

By its very nature, an intimate relationship can bring challenges. At times, the closeness and intimacy allow partners to cross some boundaries. Crossing those boundaries can bring pain and hurt to the other partner and to the relationship itself.

As an individual, we don’t always grow up with healthy boundaries, and at times we don’t know how to create those in our relationships. Boundaries are something that you will work on in therapy.

Vulnerability provides freedom to be your authentic self.

Respecting your differences; accepting each of you has your perceptions; and communicating your wants, needs, and boundaries can lead to a healthier relationship with yourself and your partner.

Some relationships are meant to last; some are not; but most relationships, if not all, need to be nourished.

Therefore, you and your partner need to go through your process as one and as a couple.

You both should know your truth, your values, your needs, and see if your paths can be merged. Sometimes, your roads lead in different directions and cannot be combined.

You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you want and how much you are willing and able to see, hear, give, receive, accept, compromise, grow, learn, and love.

I would love to work with both of you as you strive to make your relationship better.

Let’s begin your journey to a better you – and a stronger relationship.

Contact me today!